Jan.26.12
THE HORROR
Luckily, this is another non-autobio comic. My mom was always kind enough to not read my diaries and sketchbooks (or, at least, she never confronted me about them if she did).
But then, I used to fancy myself a poet, so she probably just knew better than to read my dreadful teenage prose. Oh, high school.
Either way, thanks Mom!
PS. I promote both seatbelt use and “seatbelt” use. Be safe, kids!
Hahaha! We’ve all been there… Poor Hazel.
Hazel’s mom *has* to be trolling…
Jamie’s mothers art (if you get what I mean) says she is serious, but there is NO way she can’t know.
Would be fun to know what the writing was though :P
Gaahahahahahahaa!
…oh I love Hazel’s mom… :D
Well, if you fancied yourself a poet, then yeah, your prose would be pretty dreadful. I’ve yet to see even a good poet who could write prose decently.
Hello, my name is Rebecca, and I’m a published poet and an award winning published academic author. Nice to meet you and your interesting assumption about the fluidity of an author’s style.
If Rashkavar was thinking along the same lines I was, this was mainly a snarky comment about prose technically being any kind of text that is not poetry. Although I think I know a fair number of poets who do write pretty decent prose too!
Whiskers, you’re a poet?
That didn’t rhyme at all. :-)
Poetry resides
in my fingertips and blood
drips out in my tears.
Rhyming or not,
on subjects shivering or hot,
it is impossible to be a poet
and not know it
no matter how you fit
the talent you’ve got.
Traditionnal poetry might be written in verse, but there is such a thing as prose poetry. Look it up.
And saying that a poet can’t write anything else than verses is… quite rude. Maybe it was meant as a word game about the duality between verse and prose, but I can see why a poet might be insulted by it.
I so totally dug this one’s punchline.
oooooboy… i soooo have been here… in prose AND in pictures….
Waitaminit, that’s a “Father of the Bride” reference. Isn’t it?
Luckily, I store my naughty stories where my Mom would them. She once read a short story about two gays from me though.
And that’s how your break Hazel.
See, that’s why I always kept my private stuff on my computer and password protected. It was weird enough when my mom looked at my art portfolio.
I remember my niece, when I found her… writings. I asked if she was safe, and if she had any prophylactics. She replied innocently, “Unnnncle… I don’t DO drugs!”
Kids these days…
Actually I prefer my candy bar unwrapped, and so does my girlfriend.
Yay pregnancy!
Oh please, there are many contraceptive options (such as the pill) that are just fine when both partners have been tested for STIs and are sexually exclusive to one another. (Of course, someone might cheat, then you’re screwed if they catch something. :D )
Yeah, following std testing, the SO and I just use the Nuvaring for me and no condom for him. Hell, I enjoy it more, let alone him.
You honestly think that my girlfriend and I are stupid enough to have sex without some form of contraception? Thanks a lot.
Seraph, you say that as if most guys *prefer* their candy bars wrapped. The point is that unless you’ve diligently done all the stuff Moop said, you put yourself and your partner at risk when you’re unwrapped. I think nearly ALL guys would rather not wear anything.
I daresay that probably goes for most women as well. I know I don’t really like condoms much, except on occasion… I’ll just stop there. (I am married, BTW.)
Best. euphemism/wrong intepretation of a possible double-entendre. EVER!
lmao awesome start to the day with that joke XD
You made my day :D
HAHAHA.
Oh god, I laughed so hard.
ugh, i had to hide all my writing from my mom. my art usually wasn’t a problem because she never understood it. but even the most innocuous written stuff had her on edge.
:) Love it! My stepdad gave me the same advice when I was going to college….to make sure I “”test drove” some cars before “buying”" and to just make sure I always wore my “seatbelt” lol
I actually cringed and shivered reading this, my heart goes out to poor Hazel!
I took a figure drawing class in college. My mom, being my mom, came over to my apartment one day to visit and started poking around. She’s always been proud of my drawings, so naturally she went through my portfolio. Here’s the thing, though. One of the models and I started dating after the class was over. It didn’t last, she was a sweet girl, but we had almost nothing in common.
So basically, my mom was looking at naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend, that I drew, and was giving me stylistic advice. Eat THAT, Dr. Freud!
That’s… either the most awesome thing or the scariest that I’ve heard in a while. Not sure which, maybe both.
OH COME ON, she gave birth to Hazel she must know this stuff. shes pull our chains right? i mean if it was TYLERS MOM thats another story.
It’s actually her mom’s code. She says things that could be taken a way other than the direct meaning and if Hazel responds sarcastically then she knows that Hazel means the other. :)
hahahahaha oh goodness.
ROFLMMFAO!!! That is too freakin funny!
WAAAYYY too close to home for me, and I think I reacted just about the same way as Hazel, trying very hard to disappear. The angle of the arms and neck are perfect.
well, Hazel brought it on herself if she left these on her bed while staying with her mum XD
I got the impression that they were probably under the mattress. Maybe her mom uses those elastic things on the fitted sheet, or maybe she decided to flip the mattress over.
I could totally see myself doing this to my kids if/when I have any. Just for the giggles! She can’t be as innocent as she seems, surely…
Is it wrong that I want to read the rest of the story after that brief introduction?
Sooo does this mean Hazel’s mom is going to sugjest Hazel writes a erotic novel? Only time will tell.
So what I want to know is, what was the upshot of Hazel (and everyone else) getting STD tested all that time ago? I know Thea has “restless legs” (ha ha) (and does Mimi know??? o.O ) but what about Hazel/Zach, and everyone else? Was it mentioned?
Aw, Hazel’s mom is so naively cute. :) Poor Hazel can now breathe. Haha.
Cute… I’m never quite sure if Hazel’s Mom is truly that innocent or just messing with her.
ahhhhhhh… Hazel and I must be sisters, as this is SO. TOTALLY. MY. MOM.
Dad and I joke how she lives in the 50′s.
No. If she lives in the 50s she would just pretend she never saw anything.
Oh, I’ve been betting/hoping for a while now that HazelMom is a world-class leg-puller.
I wonder if it something in between. Like she someday has someone point out what it really means, she thinks about it, then goes in to an “aw hell that’s nothin’” story that floors EVERYONE
That would be MY mom. She used to tsk tsk at my Dad and us kids for dirty jokes. Then one day we explained one to her, she laughed for 10 minutes straight, and now she’s the “worst” of us all. Then she pulls out this raggedy old Manila envelope stuffed full of mimeographed jokes and cartoons passed around during her days as an office girl in the 1950s. Lemme tell ya, there’s nothing new on the Net as far as that stuff is concerned.
Exactly, there used to be a file like that at a place I worked. Everynow and then I’ll find and exact copy of something out of it online… funnier still(to me anyway) is there are a few things ii remember from it being better and wish I could find… maybe if I actually looked?
This is hilarious and almost painful. My Mom recently gave me back a bunch of old stuff. Including a bunch of my teenage journals/sketchbooks. I did NOT ask if she read them. She did NOT comment on what she might have read. Hopefully we will NEVER go there.
Hazel Tellington Childrens Books seems like a worthy meme.
“Sally Learns How To Go Away”
Nice. This should be fun.
“Let’s Play the Quiet Game”
“The Invisible Twins Who Didn’t Bother Anyone”
“Always Knock When Mom & Dad Have Grown-up Time”
“Mom’s Magic Medicine”
“When your plants talk back.”
“The Magic Drinks Lady”
Learn to Count (Mommy’s Empties)
Ketel 1
2 Equis
3 olives
4 Copas
5
6 Pack
Gloria 7
8
Ninety 9 Berries
10 Cane
So are a stretch, and some I gave up on, but Hazel’s the author–not me. :P
and just think…someday, you will have to explain to your children what a LOLcat is.
Hazel’s mother is rapidly becoming my favorite character. She’s like a reverse double entendre. Thea, who’s also a favorite, has a touch of that innocence as well. Jamie shows traces of it now and then too. Looks like Hazel likes to surround herself with antidotes to her worldliness.
Now I know I don’t want to find out what can go into a sippy cup…
Knowing Hazel it’ll be alcoholic.
Hazel’s Mom’s Nagging Paradox: simultaneously nagging her daughter to 1. always use condoms and 2. make her some grandchildren.
*like*
Bareback Mountain and The Energetic Nag?
I think “Oh the things you could put in that sippy cup” could be a sleeper hit, like “Go the Fuck to Sleep”.
HA! OK, artist challenge to you Danielle. I love the idea of Hazel having to write a children’s book. I think the whole process of her struggling with her booze induced ideas would he hilarious.
I ask that be worked into a storyline. What do you think?
I see a sort of Dr Seuss thing “Oh, the DRINKS you can think up if only you try!”
That sounds like a hilarious idea. XD
I like to think that Hazel’s mom is always trolling and looking for creative ways to slip in the ole “where are my grandbabies” topic
I’m sure HazelMom has reshelved enough books in the early 570s to know what’s going on.
Oh no, this just gave me flashbacks. Only, you know, I only draw, I don’t write… so there was really no room for misunderstanding.
I’m going to go soak my brain in bleach right now.
Oh god! That entire conversation was right out of my own life. o_O
So… I would totally buy a children’s book like that. When are you writing it? It’s a thing now, btw. Children’s books for grown ups!
Man I must have been brought up way differently because I’m not understanding what big freak out is about. Seriously, how old is Hazel, 14? She’s a grown woman having sex, so what? Everyone in my family is pretty blunt and frank about sex. No stupid euphemisms, no one trying to pretend like we don’t do it or enjoy the hell out of it. It just makes no sense to me why people get so bent out shape over something that’s intrinsic to our being.
Is it bad that I now want to read that children’s book? I get pictures in my mind of Samuel L Jackson reading the audiobook of “Go the F*** to Sleep” by Adam Mansbach. Anyone else?
I am honestly tempted to write Hazel’s story as a meta-erotic fanfiction.
I love so many things about GWS, but today I realized the thing I love most is the way you draw Thea’s facial expressions, with Hazel’s mom’s face a close second.