Come As You Are! That's an order.
posted Mar.03.15 at 01:41 pm

Okay, instead of laboring over two weak sentences at 7 am after working through the night, I wrote this post as soon as I got out of bed! ... at 3 pm, but that's beside the point.

My pal Emily Nagoski (Ph.D. <-- I enjoy introducing her like this) wrote a book called Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life and it is FINALLY AVAILABLE!! 

Personally I would've called it Come As You Are: Surprise! All You Needed To Hear Was That You're Normal. 

You know me; I'm pretty damn comfortable with my sexuality. So I didn't expect to gasp with realization as often as I did while reading my advance copy of this book (which looked like this, for those of you following along on Instagram). There's some important stuff in here.

Stuff like why you can be turned on, yet uninterested in sex at the same time (frustrating!). Or vaginal dryness and why you don't always get wet when you're turned on (and vice versa) (ALSO FRUSTATING). The benefits of meditation and why your brain-mind is just as important as your body-mind when it comes to being ready for sex... why you love your long-term partner, but don't wanna bone 'em as much as you used to (and what to do about it)... STREESSSSS and how it affects your sex drive... oh also, there IS no "sex drive"... oh and "stress" should have been at the top of this list. Or, at least, it was for me. Holy shit stress can affect your sex life a LOT.

If that doesn't win you over, there are vulva-tastic illustrations by Erika Moen, and did I mention Emily happens to be my podcast buddy Rich Stevens' wife? Needless to say, this means Emily is a bona fide dork like the rest of us and her book is friendly, funny, nerdy, accepting, and probably appropriate for all of your nerd friends who are fans of sex.

If you need the TL;DR version of the book: 1. Women's sexuality is NOT = men's sexuality,* 2. if you think stress may be affecting your interest in sex, it probably TOTALLY DEFINITELY is, and 3. you're okay. You're fine. Just take a deep breath... literally. Consider yoga or meditation.

But you should really just buy the book and read it for yourself. You can thank me later.

Oh, and if you'd like a little taste of Emily's appoach to things, AND would like to listen to me talk about fingering myself (so that officially cuts out my family members, sorry guys), her podcast of the same name featured yours truly in yesterday's update! In fact, the one before that was a chat with Erika Moen about Fifty Shades & Secretary, which I suspect you'll enjoy. :)

*as Emily points out in the book, this tome is almost entierly dedicated to the study of cis men and women; I think a book on trans sexualiy in the same vein would have to be twice as long (and would be super interesting, IMO!); if you're not a cis person, this book may not be AS helpful to you, although there are plenty of universal themes that I think everyone can benefit from.