NYCC and Who the F*** is Jim??
A couple of things!
One, unlike every single other cartoonist in the world, I will not be at New York Comic Con this weekend. BUT, my stuff will be! Blind Ferret will be at Booth #1821 with GWS goodies, LICD & LFG goodies, and good ol’ Joel Watson of Hijinks Ensue. Go tell them I said hi! Rub Sohmer & Becker’s heads, call Lar “Uncle,” and tell Joel you like his shirts.
Two! I’ve gotten enough questions about Jim (the blond guy; scroll down a bit) that I feel I should recap a bit for you:
Jim works with Jamie at the flower shop. He used to kinda creep on her. He also briefly creeped on Hazel, although in reality it wasn’t creepy at all. Jim is forgettable to most women. He joined the Members Only (clever name for the guys’ club) last year. But it seems, recently, that he’s not fitting in all that well.
We’ll see more of Jim soon, for better or for worse.
Most men would take a hint from the scowl, but others get some advice that persistence works so they keep at it. And every once in awhile it works thus affirming the notion that it’s a good strategy. All that being said I agree with Tucker questioning why women don’t just say what they mean. I’m beginning to wonder if Tucker really isn’t clueless, but just likes to test the experts’ knowledge of communication between the sexes.
I hate to admit it, but I suck at body language. It’s almost hit-or-miss for me.
I feel for Clarice. Sad but true, many women don’t say what we mean because we can’t–because we’re afraid to make a scene, or because saying “fuck off” is just not socially acceptable in a lot of people’s workplaces and men aren’t considerate enough to only hit on us in places we’re safe and comfortable and free to speak our minds.
I personally think even just the fuck off look is kinda mean. All he did was greet her. I know she already knows that he’s a twit, but still, I think it’s bitchy. I was once asked out by a guy who annoyed me deeply, and who I’m pretty sure asked as a joke. I simply said, “I don’t really think that would work out.” He kept asking, I kept politely declining. Besides having a really bad day, there’s no reason to give someone a “fuck off” look right off the damn bat.
Loving this storyline. And I still say that the boy is some kind of high-functioning Aspie. Although he *could* just be clueless… ;)
I remember being single and saying ‘hi’ to a strange woman, with a subtext of “Please, judge my complete value as a human being in the next 2.5 seconds. Thanks.”
There’s a really great book by noted sociolinguist Dr. Deborah Tannen called “That’s Not What I Meant” which is about differing conversational styles (between regions, genders, and individuals) and how they lead to misunderstandings. But the reason I bring this up here, is that there is a whole section on how, despite being prized by “Mainstream American Culture” directness and “straight-shooting” are actually impossible, and very unpleasant. So saying that it would be boring is actually pretty true. We enjoy rapport and understanding each other, especially if the understanding is challenging, e.g. jokes, puns, and subtle exchanges. Also, directness is still unclear since we can’t really know what the other person is intending unless they explain it to us, and even then they can be suspect. Even if they aren’t suspect, we might have a different view of directness or use different means to accomplish the same thing. Directness for one person is likely to be completely different for another. Giving a “Fuck Off” expression is actually pretty direct to most people, to the point of being rude. Anyway, really cool book.
Say what you like about Texas politicians (believe me, I’m saying it too), but in the Texas culture I was brought up in, direct dealing is seen favorably, its considered honest and a sign of character. I prefer this to the mainstream not-quite-saying-what-you-mean. I mean … look at Tucker. Not that he isn’t a creepazoid, but his gripe here is legit.
The problem is that many people (especially women) have never been taught that you can be firm and assertive without being rude.
When I was single, I used the 1-2-3 method in dealing with guys I wasn’t interested in actively hitting on me.
1. Everyone is allowed one hit, even if its kinda rude or obscene in delivery. In my opinion, that’s just asking a question and how else is he gonna know? I’m going to say no politely. “Thank you, but I’m with my friends/not interested/have a bf/whatever.”
2. If he persists, its assertive mode time. You draw yourself up and say firmly but not rudely – “Sir, I’ve already said no once. I think you need to go.” Most guys, even drunks, are going to back down at this one. I mean, they aren’t dumb and don’t want to waste their time. And you haven’t even been a bitch yet.
3. Third time, game is up. That’s the slap or the drink to the face. I only had to do this twice in all my single years. In one case, the guy backed off, the second time the bouncer threw him out for me.
I’m sure some people think striking the guy is horrid, but I say I gave him two very clear chances, it was his choice.
Where I come from, women expect to be respected. Except apparently when it comes to preserving their reproductive rights. /sigh
I think this is the best method. I really don’t understand women being rude with what they say or the looks they give just because a guy *approaches* them. I mean, hell, what exactly did he do wrong?? The only time I skipped straight to “fuck off” was when a guy came over and initiated the conversation by running his fingers up my arm and asking my name. Ugh. As long as he doesn’t touch me, though, the first is a freebie.
The only thing I don’t agree with is slapping or drink throwing. Not because it’s so horrible, but because you should never initiate physical contact. In the cases where you hav to to defend yourself, then it should be a serious blow so you can get away.
Well, as far as I have been able to ascertain most women actually don’t know what they want. And they are the WORST at giving guys advice on how to meet other women. (OTOH they can be invaluable as a wingman.)
Indicating to a woman you’re hitting on that their no doesn’t mean no, they just don’t know what they want is a surefire way to be branded as a patronizing creeper. Not neccisarily a harmless one either, concerning how many men buy into the “no means yes” thing.
pa·tron·ize 2- to adopt an air of condescension toward : treat haughtily or coolly
con·de·scend·ing adj. -showing or implying a usually patronizing descent from dignity or superiority
The queen hath ruled that all further conversation is icky and gross. It shall henceforth be terminated. It is the queen’s pleasure that ye all may eff off, all ye obedient and loyal peasants, and seek healthier climes of lessening frigidity.
This was *exactly* my thought when reading this arc! Women make *terrible* teachers of how to pick up women! Even worse are scaly,crusty, hardened women who DON’T DATE! She’ll teach him how to be a celibate with tons of female friends. Ooh, yay!
i would kind of like to know what happened to c.urvy.org. i know, i’m plugging another web comic, but damnit, i follow things. to the END. like gay chicken. :p
Kratos won!
Saying ‘F*ck off’ AND the ‘F*ck off look’ are both pretty ignorant imo if all a fella is doing is introducing himself (If however he’s walked up to yall and demanded a bj … by all means shout him down.)
I think we can all agree ‘i dont like you like that.’ or ‘sorry but im just not interested.’ are polite, direct and get the point across without risk of offending the other person too much.
And of course, waiting to see if he/she is actually hitting on you and not just being friendly will spare you both some embarressment.
Yeah, but you have to keep in mind that this isn’t the first time the other librarian has met Tucker. He’s known for hanging around hitting on the librarians and not taking a hint.
It depends. I’ve had guys try to hit on me at the absolute worst times. If I’m sitting at a library, working feverishly on a paper, and some guy comes up and interrupts my thought flow with an inane question like, “Whatcha workin’ on?” he’s getting the ‘fuck off’ glare before I ignore him. There are times and places when socialization is not welcome. (I think I need a sign that says that.)
Yeah, some people are weird. Who the hell ever talks to anyone in a LIBRARY who isn’t someone they are already acquainted with, or librarians with whom you have library stuff to talk about?
I mean, shit, a library is by no mean a socializing place. There are bars and, huh, other bars, for that.
I dunno, I could
Sorry, phone keeps tweaking. Anyway, what I was going to say, I could see situations where f-off is would be the best immediate response. I know a lot of people give off creeper vibe or can appear threatening when hitting on women, especially if those women have had bad experiences. Or if you just really don’t want to be bothered, like at work or something. If a dude is hitting on a lady while she’s busy, it can be a sign he doesn’t take her seriously because “hey, whatever she’s doing can’t be that important, she must have time for me.” Men have a weird and unhealthy sense of entitlement when it comes to women’s time, attention and in some horrible cases their bodies.
Full discloser, I’m a dude, so most of my perspective here is second hand experience from my wife and female friends.
Reading back over what I wrote, I feel like I maligned the guys when I wrote they “didn’t want to waste their time.” That sounds like I’m viewing them as predators, which I don’t. Most guys hitting a gal up are perfectly nice people, just looking to meet someone, or have a little fun, or both. Once they understand that you aren’t interested, they’ll happily back off because they don’t want to be a jerk. Most times dudes get the hint at step one, and even might stand around and chat for a bit. Or move on to hit on your friends, just in case. LOL
and of course, this comment went into the wrong place. I’ll shut up now. /grin